Slayer vs Scream

Knockdown dragout time! ‘Celebrity Deathmatch’ WHOM?! Thunderdome ain’t got nothing on this fight of the century…

Yep, as I dip once more into the dangerously addictive world of Funko Pop! Vinyl figures, I end up with a bloody fight to the death on my hands.

buffy vs ghostface
In one corner, we have the homicidal maniac known as ‘Ghostface’, a killer of teens who enjoys scary movies and offing Drew Barrymore in the first 10 minutes. And his nemesis? Sunnydale’s saviour and everybody’s favourite blonde Slayer (Faith was pretty cool, no?), Buffy Summers and her trusty Mr Pointy.

Who will win? It’s gotta be the Buffster right? The girl power is strong in this one – plus payback’s a bitch and SMG already suffered at the hands of the scary masked serial slasher in ‘Scream 2’. Remember?

RIP Cici 'Scream 2'
Place yer bets! I feel like this could become a weekly thing – if only I had enough money for more cute but pointless figures, hmm?

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Top 5 Bogeymen

In honour of things that go bump in the night – and the holiday that embraces them in a big bloody hug – I’ve compiled a list of the bogeymen that haven’t had their due. Sure, these creepy creatures may have spooked a fair few of us but the likes of Michael Myers, the Blair Witch, Leatherface, Pennywise (of course, frickin’ Pennywise) and even bloomin’ Jaws have stolen their thunder as the nightmarish monsters that haunt the collective dreams of a generation or two who have seen way too many movies and TV shows.

So, here they are, the scary monsters and super creeps I really hope I don’t run in to tomorrow.

(Honorary mentions: Pyramid Head, Eugene Tooms, Mrs Massey from ‘The Shining’ and, erm, the Sanderson sisters?)

5. Alley Man
Is it a man? Is it a woman? Is it a malevolent monster metaphor sent from the warped mind of David Lynch’s brain to screw with us and set the tone for the rest of his psycho-thriller puzzle pic ‘Mulholland Drive’? Definitely the latter.

alley monster

In this unforgettable early scene from the director’s 2001 masterpiece, an anxious man who has just described a troubling nightmare takes his companion into the alley behind the diner from his dream – and out pops the dark and disturbing hobo-like horror he described as being confronted with in his night terrors. The sequence can almost be appreciated as a short film that stands on its own within the framework of the epic enigma that surrounds it – and it’s definitely the freakiest five or so minutes from a fascinatingly freaky whole.

4. The Peacock Family

x files home

‘The X Files’ threw up a fair few shady characters, extra-terrestrial or otherwise, but Mulder and Scully’s most terrifying foes were a twisted take on the family unit, bringing the horrors of the Peacocks home. Receiving a viewer discretion warning for graphic content, the episode ‘Home’ centred on three severely deformed brothers living on an isolated farm who keep their mother (and lover – ick) under the bed and routinely kill anyone whose snooping threatens their existence – not to mention the barely-born babies that are a product of their maternal incest. Gross but memorably horrific, ‘Home’ freaked me the F out when I was about 11 – I stayed up too late and remember the home-invasion scene, where the boys pay the sheriff and his wife a visit, ruined my sleep for a week.

3. The Pale Man

pan's labyrinth

Grimm fairytales were never so grim! Guillermo del Toro outdid himself with ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’, a dark fable he is yet to better, but the crowning achievement was surely the intensely scary Pale Man. Referencing Goya, this awful bogeyman is an artistic achievement despite being grotesque – and the baby-eating backstory and eyes-in-hands look only add to the terror. When he wakes up… well, I was awake for a while after that.

2. Tristana Medeiros

tristana medeiros

Those last five minutes of the first ‘REC’? CRAP STEAKS! Little girls shouldn’t look like that – but little girls possessed by demons and twisted into a crazy-scary fiend lurking in the highest reaches of a forsaken hotel? I want my mommy.

1. The Gentlemen

hush

The highlight of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s ghoulish creature canon also provided, arguably, its best ever episode ‘Hush’. Tim Burton’s visual aesthetic is referenced heavily but the Gentlemen are scarier than anything offered up by ‘Sleepy Hollow’ or even the creepy stylings of ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’. Despite the influences though, the Gentlemen are a unique creation – sunken-eyed, suited, knife-wielding baldies with metallic grins – only rendered more scream-worthy thanks to the genius Whedon concept of them being fairytale monsters who steal the voices of their victims so there’s none of that pesky screaming business when they get down to the business of stealing hearts. Can’t even shout, can’t even cry… TURN THE LIGHTS ON!!!

Happy Halloween, peeps. Avoid dark alleys. :-/

Pop a Stake in Monday

Poor Monday, the bastard child of days of the week. It never asked to be hated, but it can’t help but inspire dread and despair in millions. If Saturday is the popular girl everyone wants to know, Monday is the geeky bullied kid in the corner who smells like cheese, quietly plotting to do a Steve Jobs and take over the world.

McGeek makes it his mission to pick you up this Monday, by putting a stake in the heart of its crappiness. Do you all remember that blonde chick called Buffy who killed dead things, swapped spit with brooding vamps and generally saved the world a lot? Well, thanks to the mad bad geniuses at Funko POP! Vinyl, the time has come to take Buff and her Scooby Gang home in fab figure form.

buffy the vampire slayer

Forbidden Planet UK has them marked on its website as ‘expected 30th September’ with other sites showing later in October; regardless of date though, surely it’s a no-brainer for any Whedonite to put a pre-order in and start making room for their own Sunnydale shelf.

Who cares if the Gentlemen didn’t have red eyes? What of it that poor Xander has been blatantly ignored? This is one of the best things to happen in toyland for years, and I’m not too proud to admit that I’m going to buy all in the hope that they do a ‘Toy Story’ and come to life when I’m not looking, ready to re-enact my favourite episodes. Dear Santa…

buffy figures

Buffy: Made of Bricks

‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’: amazing. LEGO: also pretty damn cool. So, combining the two things was always going to be a genius idea.

Well, thanks to Flickr user Mr.Savath_Bunny aka Ryan Rydalch, the dream of seeing Buffy made in bricks is now no longer a dream. Inspired after purchasing the Avengers LEGO set and viewing fan-made Firefly creations, Rydalch got to work LEGO-hunting and has fashioned a number of different setups and characters that ‘Buffy’ fans will recognise.

Let’s hope Mr Rydalch’s sterling work actually results in a LEGO take on the Sunnydale Scoobs that is equally as inspired. My fave is the ‘Hush’ Gentlemen set, but of course it’s all great. Choice picks below but you can view the complete collection here. Prepare to be slayed!

Buffy Summers LEGO

Buffy Gentlemen LEGO

BtVS Season 1 LEGO

All images courtesy of Mr.Savath_Bunny.